Things I can't say - I don't know what to call this

The Bubba and I have been off and on for almost 7 years. Our break ups were always short. The longest one was 7 months, which was a little before I gave birth a year ago. When we first started dating we were young and dumb. So a lot of the break ups were because of our immature attitudes. We were together for a solid 3 years before the last break up which was because I was a hormonal pregnant crazy woman and he was an immature, I want to be 21 forever douche. Once the Cupcake was born we changed into the people we are now. We have definitely matured A LOT.

Now we don't argue about the dumb stuff we use to. Everything so far has been great because our biggest issue before was communicating. Before, we use to just lash out and not talk about what was really going on so we would totally argue about dumb things that could have been settled by talking about what we were feeling. Anyway, we have definitely come a long way in that department which has made our relationship turn into something amazing. I love this man, more than he even knows. When we got back together this last time we made a promise to always communicate our feelings, to never have doubts, to always talk about everything. We vowed to fight for US, for the love that that we deeply have for each other. Since then we have had our arguments but we have learned to talk it out and find a solution to every problem.

For the first time in a long time we are really happy with each other. Well it has been like that for about 7 months now. We are already looking for new places to live, a place where we can call home. A place for our little family. I keep getting told that I do things backwards. Having a baby, moving in with the boyfriend, and then getting married. HA!  

Quick story. So like 2 years ago I went to Hawaii with the Bubba. We were still doing good at the time. Everyone from my mom, brothers, friends, cousins, etc. were telling me that I was probably going to come back engaged. That the Bubba was going to propose to me out there since we had been dating for a long time now and it was time. So with hearing all of this I started getting excited. I started thinking he was going to propose on the sandy beach while we were vacationing at one of the most beautiful islands. Well it didn't happen like that. I was so disappointed, which is actually an understatement. I guess everything happens for a reason right?

Back to now. The Bubba, the Cupcake and I have a trip to that same island next month. Yay! for vacations and Booo! for a 6 hour flight with a toddler. But even though I am super excited for this trip, I can't seem to let go of the feelings I had from when I returned with no ring on my finger the last time I went. Now, I know I sound like an idiot. Don't get me wrong, I don't expect him to propose in Hawaii on this trip or anytime soon. Come on, we just got back together a few months ago. But I guess my thing is, how long is it going to take him to figure out if he wants to marry me? When we got back together he told me he couldn't live without me and that the break up was really bad for him because he missed me. He told me he wanted me to eventually be his wife. I know that's not a proposal but still.

It's going to be 7 years and you still don't know when you want to marry me? Like why keep me around if you don't know. You should know by now right? He says we are meant to be together so then why not marry me. I SERIOUSLY SOUND SO WHINY I CAN'T BELIEVE I AM REALLY GOING TO SHARE THIS...but I just had to vent.

My friends tell me to propose to him, drop hints, tell him how you feel, etc. Honestly, I have dropped hints which get ignored. I am not going to propose because I don't want it to happen like that. I am still a girl after all. I have dreamt of how he would do it you know. Ugh! I know it is going to happen when I least expect it but I think about it a lot. I think about it when I see a lot of  my friends getting engaged, when I read that Snookie Snookie! for crying out loud, out of all people is getting married. She's trashy, slutty you name it and some guy wants to marry her.

Now please don't think my Bubba is a loser and just wants to be single forever and what not because he really spends all of his time with the Cupcake and myself. That's why to  me it only makes sense to just get married. He really is a great dad, a great boyfriend and great person all around. I just want to know what is keeping him from doing what I want so bad. Like if he knew I wasn't the one, he wouldn't have asked me to be his girlfriend again. Our relationship would have stopped at 1, 2 or even 3 years but its now going to be 7 years. So I mean what's the hold up?? We have even discussed the possibility of another baby, not anytime soon but eventually. Ugh!

I guess this post is all over the place. I am happy, there's no doubt about that. Marriage wouldn't change that, I always said I didn't need a piece of paper to tell us that we belong to each other. But I guess, I want it not only for myself but for the Cupcake. I want her to know we are married. I don't want to disappoint her in any way.

I just want to get over this whole I want to get married NOW phase. You guys have my permission to slap me.

Linking it up with :