I am allowed a moment

Have you ever had a moment where you sit there and say that someone else life is much better than yours. That it's not fair that they get to have the fancy house, the great job and super cute husband/wife and adorable kid with just as cute dog.

Well I had one of those moments. I am not proud of myself. I asked God to forgive me for being envious, greedy, and for any other sin I had committed for having this moment. This moment was being shared with Bubba. He got upset that I wanted what this one person had. But honestly, once I said it out loud and said what I envied  about her I realized I didn't really envy her as much as I thought I did.

She may have a handsome husband, an expensive large house, a super cute kid, nice cars, and a very well paying job. She doesn't have love in her life. I am not one to gossip but I have heard things and from the looks of things she isn't very happy. She may have all these things but she is not happy. I on the other hand am happy and realized that the only things I envied her for was that she is married, has a house to call her own and had a well paying job. I would like to eventually get married. I would like for the Bubba and I to make this relationship, this union, a blessed one. And what girl doesn't want that? I also want a house, not an overly large expensive one. I want a small cozy place that we can call home. I want a home so that our little family is living under one roof. What family doesn't want that? I want a well paying job so that I can support my family, so that the cupcake can always be clothed, fed, and kept warm. What mother/father doesn't want that? I have a great reliable gas friendly car that takes me wherever I want to go. I have an amazingly smart and super cute kid so those are things that I do not envy her for.

So if you come to think of it, I don't really envy her so much, it is what she has. And it isn't so much envy but wants and needs that many people like me have. I guess it's that she has it all or in her case mostly all. The Bubba and I love each other very much. We are trying more than our best to find better jobs so that we can afford a home for us, so that we can afford child care and food for our daughter. We are struggling with finding these jobs but we are definitely trying hard. This time right now, this struggle is definitely making our relationship stronger. It has made me see him in a totally different light. I see him as a man, a father that wants to do so much for us, he wants to provide the best. That right there is love. This struggle has definitely made me realize how much more worth it, our jobs, our eventually new home is going to be. How worth it it's going to be when he finally gets down on one knee. I trust and believe that the Lord has a plan for everyone of us. I have faith that this struggle, this pain is going to be rewarded later. I, we have to be patient and trust that it will all happen at the right time. I have faith in him, my Lord Jesus Christ, that he will not leave me in darkness but lead me into the light. He will answers  my prayers when the time is right.

He is never early and he is never late, but He is always on time.