Another moment.

This weekend was just terrible, awful, you name it. I am a night shift nurse at a psychiatric facility as you all know, and I love my job believe it or not. And like everyone else, I try my hardest to leave work, well at work. But this weekend was different. This weekend every night I worked was plain awful. The patients, needy, aggressive and very psychotic. It was so chaotic that I made an error. I know we aren't machines and that we make mistakes but in my field, there isn't room for mistake. You have to be precise with everything you do because it is like they say, life and death.

I am very lucky that nothing serious happened but the fact that I made a mistake and I am going to hear about it in the coming week, well, I am super nervous ans scared. I love my job and like everyone else, I need my job. So here is hoping for the best. But my awful weekend doesn't end there.

You know, I always said I wouldn't be that mom that lets the t.v. become my kids babysitter. I always said I wouldn't feed my kid a load of junk food. Guess what....I have become that mother. I AM A FAILURE. Or at least I feel like one. I feel like I have let my daughter down. Instead of doing what is best for her, I have done what is best for me, what works for me, what is convenient for me. That is not being a good parent. When I came to realization of this, this weekend I couldn't help but break down and cry. I have failed my daughter. I let her watch countless hours of nemo and rio because that's what she has gotten use to. I let her eat chocolate and ice cream and has not had a bite of vegetables because I know she wont eat them anyway. I have taught her bad habits and I feel terrible about that. I sat and cried for what seemed like hours. I was really having a bad weekend.

But it ends today. I have to remember that work is work and it isn't always going to go as plan. I work with unpredictable patients and I have to just roll with the punches. I have to remember to slow down and make sure that I am always on point with my work no matter what the situation is. And with the issues concerning My daughter, well, she will be allowed an hour max of tv during the day and that is it. While I am home with her we will focus on playing, drawing, painting, anything, as long as she is using her hands and brain. No more chicken nuggets and nutella sandwiches because she refuses to eat a nutritious meal. I am now going to meal plan each week and make good healthy food for the both of us to eat and if she doesn't like what I have to offer...too bad. She will learn to like the foods that are good for her. No more letting her be the parent. So I have to brush myself off and continue trucking because this is life. I am not perfect, I know I love my kid and I will do what is best for her and even though I wasn't doing just that for a while I am back to doing so.

Keep calm and carry on.