Anxiety

It has set in.
I am petrified.
I mean, I want this.
I have wanted this.
Why am I freaking out right now?

I finally sent in my deposit for surgery. And I can't help but feel claustrophobic in this huge warehouse I call an office. I mean I was, am super excited for this but it just didn't feel real til the moment I gave Diane (consultant) my credit card information. But now, now it feels real. In about a month and a half I will look different. I will feel different. I will have what I have always wanted. So why this anxiety?

Dude!!!!

I guess it's because it's major surgery. I am altering my body. I am trusting another person to keep me safe and I mean who wouldn't be scared. I am not having doubts, I don't think. But you know my life is a little more complicated now. I have a daughter, a daughter whom i love more than life itself. My kid needs me as much as I need her. I'm not saying I am going to die, but dang you start thinking about all the worst case scenarios. At least I do. And then I have the...God made your body the way he intended it to be. You shouldn't alter it. But the Lord knows how much this means to me. I just pray he keeps me safe. Always.

Gosh guys, either time is going to drag or its going to fly....I'm hoping it drags honestly because I.am.scared.shitless.