Bittersweet

I am finally settled into my new home.

Last night, as I was putting away groceries into my pantry and fridge, as I was opening box after box of clothes, toys, books, toiletries and other stuff; I felt at peace. Even though just hours prior to that, I was standing in my old empty room crying my eyes out.

I cried my heart out.

This old room is where I made tons of memories with old friends. This old room is where my daughter grew up, where she had her first bath, took her first steps, said her first words. 

But this room is in a house that has shaped the way I think recently, which is negative by the way. This old room is a part of a house that brings nothing but painful memories.

Bittersweet.

I said goodbye to my old room. I left all that negative energy in that house. I left all the stress and anger and bitterness in that house. 

So as I laid my daughter to sleep in her new room, I promised to make much happier memories here in this new house. I promised to only bring positive energy and smiles and laughs and pillow fights. To only fight about what's for dinner and why Mickey mouse clubhouse isn't playing in the background.  I promised her I would do my best to make sure she grows up differently than I did. I promised to always shower her with kisses and I love you's. We are finally home.

It can't get any sweeter than this.

Never too early

If ya'll didn't know by now that I my friends, love me a pair of heels

you all don't know me then.

But you wanna know something funny...

I can't walk in them for shit.

I still loves me some hooker heels though.

My mom never really let me play with her stuff when I was little,

and now that I have a daughter I figured I should let her enjoy being a girly girl.

If she ever wants to walk fabulously in 6in heels she's gotta start training now.

(these are very small heels...she's gotta start small. Am I right?)

 

She is going to make me very proud.

Life lately

1. Sleeping baby after a long morning of breaking out new toys. 2. Hiked my butt all the way to the top of the Garcia Trail to the cross. 2 & 3. You wouldn't have thought we were in the E.R. because the Cupcake was having a hard time breathing. She looks normal doesn't she. 4. I made Faby do the hike with me of course. 5. Faby bought the Cupcake her first baby, can you tell she doesn't want to let go. 6. OC Fair bound 7. Relaxing Sunday 

Happy Monday Everyone!

Beach bound

Summer is almost over and I had not once thought about hitting up the beaches. What the heck is wrong with me? So I asked Faby if she would like to take the kids, you  know have them build castles and what not, she thought it would be a great idea. We packed our bags and the kids and loaded up  my car and off to the beach we went.

Let me just tell you, having two toddlers is not the easiest thing. Baby fever completely gone after this trip. The kids were already grouchy because it was a long drive to the beach. An hour long drive is not fun. We unpack and start to walk which is followed by crying kids who want to be picked up because they refuse to walk in the sand. So we were carrying bags, an umbrella, blankets, and now two kids. Ay caramba. When we finally settled on a spot the refused to move.

They played in the sand but they were not all super giddy like those kids you see in movies or in pictures. I don't think they are fans of the sand and breeze.

Well it was a good day though eve in we did drive two hours roundtrip to only spend an hour at the beach.

Who wears short shorts?? this girl down here lol

My torta, don't judge. It was so good.

Life lately

1. She has learned how to take pictures of herself. 2. Say "Cheeeeese!" 3. Crouch like a tiger 4. Momma say hi to the camera 5. After I took her toothbrush away and gave it back 6. playing with her daddy 7. Mad first thing in the morning. 8. Never a good picture with kid 9. Same as eight 10. well hello there double chin. 11. Alfalfa taking a bath in Grandma Susans old tub.

Not enough of us

I was reading a blog (sometimes sweet) and she was talking about how she is vain in the sense that she deletes a lot of pictures with her in them that she thinks are not so flattering. She mentions how she is going to stop doing that.

I have the same problem. I take loads of pictures at a time so that I never miss a perfect moment, but sometimes that perfect moment is missed because of my vanity. There are some awesome shots but then you see my double chin or I have a droopey eye, or my arm is fat, or my gut is sticking out. It's so sad that little things like that matter to me now but wont matter later on. What will matter is that I don't have a print of that time we went to Disneyland and we're on its a small world or the time we were at the beach and the cupcake gave me a kiss because in those pictures there was some sort of flaw that I didn't want anyone to remember or see. Just like in (sometimes sweet) when we look back at old pictures we wont see the flaws but we will see the love and happiness in the images. You know, the stuff that matters and what makes us capture the images in the first place.

I am going to try my hardest to look past my imperfections in a picture and see it for what it is, a beautiful memory that gets to be remembered later on.

Memories

I believe I am getting worse at keeping up with this blog. I find myself not taking as many pictures of Cupcake as I use to. You wouldn't be able to tell by looking at the 500 plus pictures stored in my phone. When I mentioned this to my mom, she asked why. I couldn't really give her an answer as to why I haven't, because in all honesty I really don't know. I then started wondering if maybe I was no longer ecstatic when Cupcake did something cute or smiled or simply just sat there for me.

Was I falling out of love with my baby? Did I no longer find everything she did interesting?

I am a terrible mother!

I then took a breath and reminded myself of the picture I took of that big cheesy smile just a few days ago or the one of her on her exersaucer. Yes I don't take over 50 pictures a day of her anymore but I do try to catch those amazing moments when I can. I am a busy mom, and unfortunately a camera isn't attached to me 24/7 but I'm sure Cupcake doesn't mind that. Because those smiles I capture, well guess who puts them on her face? I do...mama does. Yup. So maybe I don't take as many pictures as I use to and wish I still did. But I know for sure that my love her hasn't faded, and I find her more interesting with each passing day. Cupcake doesn't and wont care if I took a thousand or just one picture a day, what she cares about is mommy making her happy. And mommy promises to always do just that.

Those beautiful images, the silly faces and moments that I will never get back well, they are moments captured in time that will always remain in my heart.