Long Overdue

This will be the last time I post from my work computer because today, today is my last day here. I couldn't be happier. I have worked here for a little over 5 years and this place has seriously made me fat and sucked the life out of me. I wouldn't complain because it's a job and I  needed one but now that I have a way better paying job and I am happy working there it was time I let go of this place.

I will no longer have 2 jobs, I will now have one. But I will have the job of watching the Cupcake during the day while I am a nurse during the night. I wouldn't have it any other way. Things are totally going in the right direction and I have to say that I am truly blessed. The Lord has definitely had my back and continues to shine his light on me and my little family.

I may be closing another chapter in this book I call life, but I am so looking forward to what is up next.

Oh and just so you know, I keep contemplating peeling out of the drive way here at work after I clock off for the last time throwing my middle finger in the air while I shout out So long bitches!!!

Happy Halloween!

mom...Mom...MOM!

You know trouble is near when your kid starts calling your name a billion times in a row.
We are reaching the stage of let's fuck mess with mommy to see how far I can get....

Me: Cupcake don't go up those stairs

Cupcake: walks up those stairs slowly with an evil smirk

Me: I am not playing, get down now!

Cupcake: (grin gets bigger, eyes filled with excitement) walks up another step

Me: 1...2...(gets up from couch)

Cupcake: squeals with joy....tries to run up but falls...begins to cry

Me: (pick her up) You're not going to go up these stairs anymore right? RIGHT?!

Cupcake: Okay mom

5 mins later....

Cupcake: "Mom, ven aqui" holds my hand as we go up those stairs.

You know, I am pretty patient and I pretty much let my kid explore, of course there are boundaries, limits. I do own a baby gate that keeps her away from going up or down stairs. I bring it down if I am downstairs with her where I can see every move she makes. I provide a pretty safe environment for her.

I believe in letting my kid explore so she understands what is dangerous and what isn't. Kids are smarter than most people make them out to be. People tend to shelter their children way too much. I use to be that mom, not anymore. My kid wont learn to get up after a fall, dust herself off and keep going if I limit how she plays. Of course, I am  making sure she isnt going to do anything that could possibly land her in the ER but I let her run as fast she can, I also let her fall because I know a kid needs to learn how to fall and just get back up. I let her go up my stairs even when I say no because she needs to learn that she could fall if she goes up there by herself. I let her go down the slide all by herself at the park (even though every time feels like I am about to have a heart attack) because she needs to know what it feels like to be independent.

I have an awesome kid. I am not just saying that because she is mine. I am saying that because so many people see how independent and smart she is. Even her doctor is amazed at the things she says and does. I guess I am lucky, blessed to have a kid like her. Yes, she drives me nuts more than half of the time but I wouldn't have it any other way. She keeps me on my toes.

And because I didn't want to leave this post picture-less, here she is upset at the doctors office because 1) she asked me for water, I let her have some, she looked straight at me while she opened her mouth and let the water drip down her shirt and of course I wasn't happy about it. and 2) while she is upset that I got mad at her for spiting water, she is more mad at the fact that she couldn't jump off the chairs.

I got a rebel on my hands

Super Mom

Written Oct. 26, 2012

I don't want to go and toot my horn but...

Beep beep!! 

I was reading over another blogger's post on the many hats she wears and it got me thinking about my daily routine and sometimes lack thereof. Before the Cupcake was born, I was a young, single gal who if I wanted to just lounge all day in pajamas I could. I didn't have a care in the world and hardly had any responsibility.

Fast forward to now, and I sit here wondering why there isn't enough hours in the day to complete the cagillion things I need to get done around here.

Take today for example, after work (4:30pm) I have to go pick up the Cupcake and then we are off  to  get mamas eyebrows groomed because it looks like i have a huge raccoon sitting where my eyebrows are. Then I have to go to the small grocery store for the small stuff then to Sam's club for chicken, milk, eggs, etc.   Go home since it's not that far from my house, drop that off. Then go to grandma Suz's house, pick  her  up drive to costco and shop for the rest of the stuff I need. Drive home unload, put away groceries. Then   pack    our bags for tomorrow since I work tonight 11-7am. I have to pack costume for tomorrow halloween party    at Mommy and me. I also have to pack my item and candy for the potluck. I also have to pack an extra change of clothes for the doctor's appointment Cupcake has with her Pedi at 3pm. Then   I   have   to  give  her    bath before I have to get ready to go to work. Did I forget to mention I still have to cook dinner!!! 

phew! that sounded like a jam packed evening right? That's what my evenings sort of look like 4-5 days a week. Just take out the shopping and add any other chore that needs to get done around here.

So like I said, I feel like super mom. I like my title, I wouldn't change my super insane life for anything in the world. As long as my kiddo is happy, I am happy. 

Now I am off to make myself a cape!

Life lately

Life has been a little on the crazy side. Super busy with cooking, baking, play dates, Disneyland, family night outs, etc. This week should be a lot of that plus some

Made a healthy crunchy taco. I baked wanton wrappers and I cooked some ground turkey with taco seasoning, topped off with Mexican blend cheese and pico de gallo. Delish!

Oh you know...riding on elephants aka dumbo

We went to the Boiling Shrimp in Redondo Beach.ERMAGAHD! And yes I used a bib.

taking pictures since we never do

Eating her "FWIES"

Fedora wearing kid

I am not a fan of Nutella unless its in something. I baked these marsmallow-almond-nutella super fudge brownies. They were so goood!

I think she thought they were good too.

Pancreatitis

Last Monday, I had a stomach ache. It was awful.
I swore it was acid indigestion, so I took a million tums with no relief.
Tuesday, I still had the tummy ache but it wasn't as bad as it was Monday. Mylanta and tums were
still my friends.

Wednesday...

Most of the day was okay, it hurt but not too bad. Around 7:30pm I felt like I was in labor. But at least when you are in labor you have a break between contractions. This pain was non stop and nothing I did helped. It wasn't til Bubba told me I had to go to the ER. We called his mom, had her come over to stay with Cupcake and we rushed to the ER. I waited a good 45 minutes before I was seen but it felt like an eternity. I was sobbing. I even asked the Bubba to knock me out just so that I wouldn't feel the pain anymore. Of course, he called me crazy and just held me.

Once inside on a gurney, this lovely nurse came to my rescue and hooked me up to an I.V. where he shot me up with morphine. That shit is the bomb.com!!!!

Seriously.

5 seconds max I was out like a light. No pain. Finally some relief. They whisked me away to get an ultrasound and they told me I had "sludge" in my gall bladder and I may need to get it removed some time in the near future. Then the doc proceeded to tell me that my pancreas was inflamed. It was bad. I had to stay that night for observation.

Next day, hoping to be better and going home, doctor says my Lipase levels where extremely high so No I could not eat or drink anything, and NO I can't go home. Ugh!

Still in pain, I get at least 5 doses of Morphine. Heaven...Did I mention that part already.
Go get some kind of scan, I forgot the name of it and they see how my organs are doing. They tell me still no food or water.

Friday, more blood work and they tell me I can have a liquid breakfast. Meaning I get to drink chicken broth for breakfast. It tasted spectacular after not eating for a day and a half. They then upgraded my diet to a soft diet and I got some pasta with steamed veggies, yumtastic!

After seeing that I was no longer in excruciating pain and tolerating foods I was able to go home. But I have to change my lifestyle.

Control my STRESS. No more High FAT FOODS. No more Alcohol. And EXERCISE shall be done on a daily basis.  I actually don't have a choice about any of these things. If I don't follow I could land back in the hospital or worse.

I have had this problem before so I really need to watch it this time. But do you know how hard it is to find foods with low amounts of fat??

This is going to stress me out!!! Oh right... Control stress.
Cheers to a new life...Oh wait No alcohol.
Welp there goes my life.

Pictures worth a thousand words

Thanks ceci for capturing these gems

Slowly but surely

Our new home is coming along. I still have a few boxes to unpack down stairs as well as up stairs, but at least the kitchen is pretty much done.

Cupcake's room is looking great. I still have to add the frames and canvases to the walls as well other decorations. Once I am done with her room I will go ahead and do a post showing you how I personalized her room. You know, I just know she loves it when she walks in and just grabs her dolls, sits on her rug and starts playing. Before she wouldn't do that. I don't know if it was because her toys in my old room where all bunched up in one corner or what. Maybe it's the light that brightens up her room. My old room was grey and dark purple (yes very depressing colors). Her room here at the new place is a warm yellow and it just adds so much more light, life into her space.

Now, my room. That's a whole different story. Boxes everywhere. Bed isn't made. Clothes everywhere. Sounds like my old room ha! It really is going to look a lot different once I get everything all settled in to where it belongs.

The living room. Bubba and I are going to visit our local Living Spaces to check out couches. We need them ASAP! Currently we are sitting in folding chairs. The wooden floor is too hard for our butts.

Did I mention I was able to finally take a bath in my jacuzzi bath tub...It was amazing! I have to hit up LUSH for more bath bombs.

You know what I've noticed? Now that I have my own place I find myself doing things that have me stop for a second and just think how great it feels to be on my own. To not have to share space with someone else. To say this is my kitchen and this is what we are going to eat for dinner. These are my pots and pans, my plates and my food. I truly feel blessed. I thank God everyday for letting me have this with my daughter. I thank him for getting me through the move and for always loving me and providing.

I truly am happy, and it looks like my kiddo is too. It's the little things people that truly make a difference.

Bittersweet

I am finally settled into my new home.

Last night, as I was putting away groceries into my pantry and fridge, as I was opening box after box of clothes, toys, books, toiletries and other stuff; I felt at peace. Even though just hours prior to that, I was standing in my old empty room crying my eyes out.

I cried my heart out.

This old room is where I made tons of memories with old friends. This old room is where my daughter grew up, where she had her first bath, took her first steps, said her first words. 

But this room is in a house that has shaped the way I think recently, which is negative by the way. This old room is a part of a house that brings nothing but painful memories.

Bittersweet.

I said goodbye to my old room. I left all that negative energy in that house. I left all the stress and anger and bitterness in that house. 

So as I laid my daughter to sleep in her new room, I promised to make much happier memories here in this new house. I promised to only bring positive energy and smiles and laughs and pillow fights. To only fight about what's for dinner and why Mickey mouse clubhouse isn't playing in the background.  I promised her I would do my best to make sure she grows up differently than I did. I promised to always shower her with kisses and I love you's. We are finally home.

It can't get any sweeter than this.

The good ol days

Gawd...I'm siting here reminiscing about all the fun times with my friends. You know, getting wasted... partying....clubbing. I go on instagram and Facebook and see everyone checking in at this bar and that bar. Dancing it up at this club and at that club. Let me tell you...I'm a really fun drunk. Ask any of my friends, I do know how to have a good time. I would be lying to you if I said I didn't miss it. Because I obviously do. I miss the getting ready, you know making sure your hair is perfect, your makeup is on point and your outfit...too die for. I miss that. I miss my me time.

Ever since having the cupcake it's rare when I go out. I spend my time having movie night with the family or at Disneyland and sometimes at some friends house having family bbqs. And I have to say that I enjoy having these moments with my family. These are moments I will remember. I'm the most happiest when my hair is in a bun, I'm wearing basketball shorts and I have no makeup on. I am happiest when I'm wrestling on the floor with my kiddo.

So as I sit here thinking about the going out stage in my life, I have a smile on my face because I'm content. I'm happy no longer spending every Friday and Saturday night going out.I'm content with laughing my butt off hearing my kiddo scream with excitement when I'm chasing after her. I'm content when I see that smile that contiguous smile that my kid gives me when I'm playing with her. See nothing can top that. And even though I do miss it, I'm glad that I got to do all the things I did with no regrets. I can truly say that I lived that stage of my life up and I'm past it.

And as I sit here finishing up this post I'm thinking maybe just maybe I'm not content with having just the cupcake around. Maybe just maybe I need one more munchkin to chase after. :-)

Happy Monday!

Over that bump

I am so proud to say that I have finally gotten over this plateau I was in. You know the one where I was sitting at 160 pounds for over what like 6 months now. Maybe a little less.

I haven't been in the 150's since 2005. So it feels great to finally be closer to my goal weight. But with that being said. 158 looks a lot different now than it did in 2005. I mean I do have a kid now so my body isn't going to look the same but I am hoping I could get pretty close. I still look super duper flabby but I am working on that. I have been more active this week and I am drinking a cagillion one gallon of water a day.

I feel amazing because I am now that much closer to my goal weight. I am happy that I will soon no longer be considered over weight but healthy. I have definitely cleaned up my diet. I have had pizza and wendy's here and there but I manage to kill it in my workouts.

My goal is to really lose those 8 pounds by the end of september. I would be nice to be in the 140's which is what I was at right after high school. My ultimate weight would be what my driver's license says 133 pounds. I just have to push myself even further.

NOW GO AND DO 50 SQUATS!

This is really happening

I told myself in the begininng of the year that this would be the last year I worked at my day job. It is not because I loathe my bosses, it is because I still make what I make when I first got hired 5 years ago. It is because even though there is no money to pay me vacation time, holiday pay, sick pay or give me a raise my boss still manages to drive the latest and greatest Mercedes vehicle. Oh and his wife has a machine car too.

Besides I can't move up in this company. I'm pretty much stuck in this position forever if I stay here. Even though I love getting payed to sit on my ass and blog all day long or read up on all the latest celebrity gossip, it is my time to go. The end of October is my last day here. I am saddened yet super excited.

I finally get to spend more time with my growing toddler. Which today marks her 18 month birthday. Gosh in 6 months she will be 2 freakin years old!!!!! I feel like because of this morning job which I did need, I missed out on a lot of the Cupcakes life. 9 hours of her day where spent with someone who wasn't me. I hated that when I first left her but as time went on I started being okay with it because I had to. We need mommy to work so we can buy all the things we need.

Now I will still be working my nursing job at night, and probably working more often there now, but that's okay because I will be able to spend more time with my daughter.

All I know right now is that, the last day here will be like a breath of fresh air.

Anxiety

It has set in.
I am petrified.
I mean, I want this.
I have wanted this.
Why am I freaking out right now?

I finally sent in my deposit for surgery. And I can't help but feel claustrophobic in this huge warehouse I call an office. I mean I was, am super excited for this but it just didn't feel real til the moment I gave Diane (consultant) my credit card information. But now, now it feels real. In about a month and a half I will look different. I will feel different. I will have what I have always wanted. So why this anxiety?

Dude!!!!

I guess it's because it's major surgery. I am altering my body. I am trusting another person to keep me safe and I mean who wouldn't be scared. I am not having doubts, I don't think. But you know my life is a little more complicated now. I have a daughter, a daughter whom i love more than life itself. My kid needs me as much as I need her. I'm not saying I am going to die, but dang you start thinking about all the worst case scenarios. At least I do. And then I have the...God made your body the way he intended it to be. You shouldn't alter it. But the Lord knows how much this means to me. I just pray he keeps me safe. Always.

Gosh guys, either time is going to drag or its going to fly....I'm hoping it drags honestly because I.am.scared.shitless.

Consultation

I had scheduled my first consult with a plastic surgeon. I was super nervous because I didn't know what to expect. I had went online and googled what kind of questions you should ask the doctor and what not. I always like to be prepared.

That morning I was running late. I even parked like 2 blocks away from the facility because I clearly didn't see the parking lot right in front of the building. I walk in and it's super nice. The doctor I went to go visit is Dr. J from Beverly Hills Physicians. I fill out some paper work and go into the doctors office. The nice nurse? tells me to take off my shirt and bra and wear one of those paper vests with the open part to the front. Just doing that I was super self conscious. So I sat there waiting for the doctor to come in. Once he walked in, I fell in love ha! okay not really but I have to admit, he's pretty handsome. And now this man is going to look at my pathetic chest, just great. He introduced himself and asked me what I was in for. Once I told him why I was there and what I wanted we proceeded with the measurement of my chest or lack thereof. It was pretty fast.

We sat and talked about my options and what he would like to do. First, because of my height and the shape of my body he wanted me to go with a full C small D. He would insert them underneath the muscle to make them appear and feel more natural. He then asked if I would prefer silicone or saline. After the research I had done I decided I want to get silicone. Silicone gives a more natural appearance and feel. He totally agreed. He then told me that he would make the incision at the nipple and insert them through there. Now he got into something else I wasn't really expecting. He said I would need a lift on my left breast. He had me face the mirror and showed me that my left breast was a lot more droopy than my right and if we don't do the lift my breast would not be even, one would be a lot lower than the other. I had actually not really noticed that one was sitting a little lower than the other, then again I don't sit there staring at my breasts in the mirror. But once he pointed it out now I can see it and can tell when I look at the girls. So I asked a few more questions about recovery, the surgery center, how long I will be in pain, when can I carry my daughter, etc.

When he stepped out. I had this feeling like this is the doctor I want. I felt super comfortable talking to him. He answered all my questions without making me feel like I was an interrogator. He was simply awesome. I then had to head over to the next office to talk pricing. So because I am also getting a lift a long with the implants the cost of my surgery is a little high but not too bad. The total is going to be $8,000. It includes the procedure, the blood work, all the follow up visits and the surgical bra that i have to wear for about 6 weeks. Honestly, I am okay with that number. Before I went in though I had told the Bubba that I didn't want to spend more than $7g's but I am also getting lift for another thousand its how I see it. And did I mention I love the doctor.

I googled plenty other doctors and I also have a friend who works with a plastic surgeon who is willing to give me implants for $4,000 but he isn't board certified and isn't really affiliated with any hospitals. Dr. J is affiliated with Huntington Memorial in Pasadena, Cedar-Sinai Los Angeles and St John's Medical Center in Santa Monica. He is also double board certified. He is definitely qualified, at least more qualified than the doctors I was going to go see also. My gut tells me to see him and go to him so I am going to do just that.

I found my doctor I now just have to set up my appointment. I have to work around my busy work schedule because well I'm going to need the time to recoup. I need about 5 days to do just that so I am planning to go in on a Wednesday so I can come back to work on Monday.

Gosh I am super excited guys. I am nervous too don't get me wrong but super duper excited for sure. I will calling to schedule my appointment this week. You guys should be seeing a much happier me soon.

Boobies!!!

Now just say that title with an immature tune. Yup, that's how I always say boobies. So now that I got that out of the way, let's talk about boobies.

Boobs, boobs, boobs, how I love boobs. I think I shared that with you guys before in my lists of random things to know about me. I have always been a fan of the breasts but I myself never really had big or even normal sized boobs. Normal. Yes I say normal because the average woman is walking around at least sporting a large B cup or small C cup. Me. Not me. I have always been on the barely B cup myself. I never have ever shared that bit of information with anyone. It's embarrassing talking about how big or shall I say in my case small my breast are. Want to know something funny? For years in a row, I prayed and wished on many stars for my boobs to grow. Every new year I would say that this is the year my boobs would grow bigger. Never happened. What's all the fuss with me and having knockers? Well I grew up around friends and family with large breasts. I always felt inferior. Less pretty, less like a woman because I couldn't fill a bra cup. It's actually pretty mortifying talking about this but the cats out of the bag now.

Okay. So yea. I grew up feeling a little self conscience. I always had to buy padded bras or push up bras so that it looked like I had "something" there. With guys (past boyfriends), I never really let them touch my chest (come on every teenage boy wants to grab on their girlfriends boobs) because I didn't want them to be disappointed or figure out that I was flat chested and tell all the boys in school. So I was a good girl not by choice ha! Anyways, as I got older and chubbier my cup size grew a tad bit but not a lot. I was still relying on heavy duty padded bras to give the appearance that I had a chest. After giving birth to the cupcake and breast feeding for 7 months my size has definitely decreased. My boobs are now seriously old lady boobs. Ever heard the reference to tennis balls and tube socks? Yup. That's kind of what I am dealing with right now. Dude! I am only 25 freaking years old. I have my whole life ahead of me and once again I am left self conscious about my chest size.

So I have been working my butt off to do what any girl in my shoes would do. I am getting breast augmentation. And before you decide to judge me and say I am super vain and being superficial and I should be happy with what God graced me with and yadda yadda. Please understand that I am not just doing it to boost my self confidence, I am doing it for me just because I deserve to do something for myself for once. I want to feel comfortable in my own skin. Not that I don't, but I would like to once buy a regular bra and not one that is padded. I want to wear certain garments and feel great in them. I want to be able to wear a seat belt and not see where my padded bra start and where my boobs stop. Yes seat belts cut right in between my chest so you can tell that my bra is probably too big for me. Now, I'm not going to get some overly large breast size, believe me I don't want that. I just want something that would look normal on my body, something that goes with me.

So I will be documenting my journey to a fuller lol me. My goal is to get the procedure done by the end of October. My plan is to go no bigger than a full C cup. My plan is to not have to make payments and pay it outright. So yea. I look forward to sharing with you what I go through for reaching my new body. Might convince some to take the plunge and get a new rack of their own.

Yay for boobies! Boobies for everyone!!!
Happy Monday!

Sugar maniac

Hi, I am Eve and I am a sugarholic.
A lot of my friends and family know how much I love me some sugar. It can come in all forms, ice cream, chocolate, roll ups, etc I am all about the sugar. And guess what folks?!

SUGAR IS BAD FOR YOU!

I am sure most of you already knew that. I know it,  but I can't seem to lay off of the sugary goodness. My weight has been creeping back up again because of this obsession I have with sugar. My obsession with simple carbs is just as bad. Anyways, lets get to the point of this sugar story. My friend and I decided to do the 21 day Sugar detox diet. It's very similar to the Paleo diet but it only lasts 21 days. We are cutting off dairy, bread and pastas, fruits and anything else that contains sugar. Max sugar we are going to eat a day is 10 grams and that's pushing it. 

All I can say is that I am super excited to finally do something about this sweet tooth of mine. I read that the first couple of days are going to be tough because your body goes through the withdrawal process like a normal addict would. So it's going to suck bad. I'm sure I am going to be super grouchy, annoyed and angry and all that but I know I will get over it. My friend is just as excited to this as me, since we aren't really looking to lose weight  but reset the way we eat.

I can't wait to share my experience with everyone and maybe motivate others to try it.

Wish my luck!

Life lately

1. She has learned how to take pictures of herself. 2. Say "Cheeeeese!" 3. Crouch like a tiger 4. Momma say hi to the camera 5. After I took her toothbrush away and gave it back 6. playing with her daddy 7. Mad first thing in the morning. 8. Never a good picture with kid 9. Same as eight 10. well hello there double chin. 11. Alfalfa taking a bath in Grandma Susans old tub.

If you knew me...

I have seen several blogs and Instagrammers do this, so I thought I would give it a go as well...

1. I am obsessed with boobs (in the non gay way) You know how in the movie Superbad Seth draws dicks like all the time and he couldn't help it, He wasn't gay but was obsessed with the penis, well, it's sort of like that. And because I don't have a huge rack myself I will be buying those puppies this year. Hopefully it solves my boob obsession. Creeped out yet ha!
2. I blow my nose really loud. It sounds like I am playing a tuba loud. I could be quieter but something about blowing my nose loud...I don't know.
3. I pee in the shower all the time. I could be almost peeing in my pants but if I know I am going to shower in the next 10 minutes, I will hold it and release once I step in. 
4. I have a gonk eye, or at least that's what I call it. It's when one eye is bigger than the other. In some pictures of me it's really noticeable and in others you really can't tell. I am really self conscious about it. 
5. I hate peanut butter but I eat it. It's not the consistency that bugs me, it's the smell and taste of it. It skeeves me but I will eat it when there is absolutely nothing else to eat in my house. On that note, I love Ritz crackers with peanut butter. 
6. I hate driving on the freeway. Everyone that knows me knows that. It's my biggest fear...well it's a tie between that and my fear of spiders.

So I ask Panda (yes I call the Bubba Panda also) if he can shoot me some ideas and this is what he came up with...

So there you go...did I lose you as a friend yet? or did I just become a creep in your book?

xoxo,
Eve